Professor Dumbledore: Oh, yes. We’re in King’s Cross, you say? I think, if you so desired, you’d be able to board a train.
Harry Potter: And where would it take me?
Professor Dumbledore: On.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Sometimes, my dreams are more clear than my reality. Is it possible to know where you’re going, yet simultaneously not be sure of where you are? Because that’s me; completely clueless, but for my North Star. I don’t have the time to doubt, nor do I have the room. I know I’ve been introspective here and this has read slightly more like a private diary than a blog, but I’m really sorting things out as I go. I don’t want to waste any more time. I don’t want to be at this job 10 years, wondering what I could have done. The need for urgency and attentiveness to hard work has never been more apparent.
Some days I can’t sleep; others I sleep too much. Waking hours are spent working. From the time I wake up until the time I go to bed, I’m doing something or attempting to do something that either pays my bills or furthers my craft. I haven’t had a vacation in ages and it’s doubtful that I’ll be taking one anytime soon. There’s too much to be done.
For the first time in my entire life, I’ve become withdrawn. I don’t want to share or talk. I just want to stay in motion. The day will come when I’ll break down and look at all the things that have gone wrong, the opportunities I’ve missed and even the love I’ve lost. Maybe I’ll sit in the corner cry and feel defeated. Maybe life will do me a solid and I’ll be too busy to notice. Either way, that day isn’t today. So today, I’ll go home and work. If I have to cry, which is a distinct possibility, I’ll cry while I’m on the move. Rest, emotional breakdowns and the like will have to wait. I’m getting on the train. I’ll deal with that other shit once I get there.