2012. There were times that were hard and days, even weeks where I was sad. This fall was the worst emotionally than any other one that I can remember since my mother passed away. I lost my Aunt Dee. I still can’t verbalize how that ripped my heart out. I’m still waiting to hear her Cajun inflection say my name the way only she could. She lived her last days in pain and is suffering no more. I’m still working through that.
But if you want to get down to the core of it, around the heartache and all that other stuff? I won so hard in 2012. Like…Olympic style wins. I worked hard, I wrote a lot and started to come to terms with who I am. I loved. I was loved. That throw-your-arms-open-and-catch-all-the-love-you-can type of love. My friends won this year. I had the pleasure of watching my friends transform and work through their growing pains with grace and perseverance. And my kids…
My kids are amazing people. They are bright, sweet and love life and the people in it. All I’ve ever wanted for them is that they grow into decent, happy people, and they seem are on track for that. I’ve always liked being a mom, but watching them as adolescents, where they are now making choices of how they treat the people in their lives is a blessing. I like to hang back and just observe how they treat people and I’m lucky enough to say that my kids are the good guys. I thank each person who has had a part in shaping them for that, because I KNOW they’re influence is so much bigger than me.
Though my year ended on a slightly odd note, I woke up the next morning clear-headed and calm. This calmness entered my heart in a way that let me know that my path is still my path. I just have to put the work in. My homie, the Harlem Bon Vivant sampled from 300 and told me that I need to pick my journey, then “come back with your shield or on it.” I owe him many meals for that. Many, many meals.
I’m going to continue to seek out my greater purpose in the universe and embrace joy. I’m going to keep dishing out all the love I have to give, then throw my arms open and catch all the love I can. That seems to work just fine. How can I have such confidence in my future? I started my year with a chicken man. How can I fail?
Happy New Year, Dreamers!!!